Past !!

Priya and Chetan (names changed) were my good friends in Clemson.

Priya and Chetan joined the school in same semester, and were in same department. But were single at that time. Slowly,but surely, they became good friends. They started spending a lot of time with each other, started sharing their thoughts and emotions with each other. Their friendship grew day-by-day, and in next 6 months, they were very close friends. One fine day, Chetan asked Priya if they could be more than friends; and Priya was more than happy to accept the proposal. We all were very happy to see them together; as they were perfect for each other, and made a very good pair. It all went well for a while. Priya and Chetan were now totally, deeply in love with each other. Priya and Chetan was a perfect couple one could get to see.

One thing was bothering Chetan somewhere within: he did not know much about Priya's past, and he never asked her about it before. One day, he made up his mind, and asked her about it. Priya did not want to hide her past from Chetan. She told him that she had a boyfriend in her college days; they were together for three years, and they broke up couple of years back. She told him everything she could about her past relationship. Priya thought it would be unfair on her part to hide her past relationship from her new partner.

Chetan was totally shattered to hear all that from Priya. He could not digest the fact that his girlfriend had shared intimate moments with some other guy. He could not accept and digest Priya's past. Even though he trusted and loved Priya very much; he could not get over that. He lost his composure, forgot all the nice time he had with Priya, and one day broke the relationship. Chetan wanted to break all the romantic links with Priya, and his reason was that he could not imagine his girlfriend having a past with someone else.

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Past sucks. Past hurts. Past haunts.

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Past is something that you can not dissociate with your personality. You have to live with your past all the time; you always have to carry it on your back.

Well, past is not as easy to think about as it seems. There is a good past, and a bad past. Somehow people tend to neglect one over the other. We see so many people who live IN past, and so many others who live ON past. There are so many politicians, cricketers, film stars living IN and ON past. Noone remembers them for their 'bad' past; they will always be remembered for their legacy and great things they did. Its all part of life.

However, generally speaking, in most cases we tend to quickly forget the 'good' past of an individual. But 'bad' past sticks to the personality forever.

The other day, I was talking with my engineering friend Dipak (name changed). Dipak had recently arrived in the States for on-site job assignment thru his company in India. Dipak was out of touch with our other classmates, and had no info. about what others are up to. We started talking about our other friends in US, and there was a mention about another friend of ours, Prachi (name changed). Prachi is pursuing her PhD in a very interesting subject at a very reputed university, and is doing very well.

When I told Dipak about Prachi; he was in utter disbelief and shock. He told me that he didnt believe Prachi could be a good PhD student. He also told me that he didn't think Prachi had a required acumen for completing a degree in US, let alone doing some path-breaking research. I asked Dipak why he thought so, and he answered that Prachi's past proves that she's is poor student and a very shallow human being in general.

Yes, Prachi was not a good student in her engineering days. She was in bad company; she was also into drugs and other addictions at a point. She never scored good grades. She never applied herself. And in general, she was 'wasted' in her engineering days. Her past was not encouraging at all, rather it was shameful struggle.

But things changed after Prachi came to US. She developed the liking for her subject, she got into a good decent company, and she was indeed doing very well with her studies, and her personal life as well. I, in fact respect Prachi a lot, for what she has achieved in past couple of years. I hardly knew Prachi in Bombay, but she's my very good friend now. In spite of knowing about her character and past, her present has made me respect her a lot. I always think of Prachi as I know her with her present, than past.

Yet, in Dipak's view, she is wasted, and hopeless !!

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Why do people judge others on the basis of their past?.

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Yes, I do agree that knowing someone's past helps you to know that person better. But at the same time,doesn't it encourage you to be judgemental about that person?. Its probably unfair, and not justified.

It biases the entire judgement about (and the following interaction / communication with) that person. There is a great chance that knowing past may provoke you to maintain a certain distance from that person; which actually prevents you to know that person in a better manner.

I personally judge and understand a person on the basis of his present (and future, if he holds one); and I really prefer others judging me in a similar manner. I am not a person who dwells in past too much. Past is past. I learn a lot from the past, enjoy the better moments, and move on. I don't have too many problems with my past (and I am proud of whatever I have done); yet I guess I would prefer to be defined by my present, and future; than my past.

Jan Glidewell has made a very nice quote on past:

“You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.”

Thats the mistake many of us commit, don't we?