Friday, October 03, 2008

The other Vivek

I just want to leave everything behind, want to go back home, go away from this world, this hifi world and laptop and everything. Just want to get rid of everything I have achieved and everything I have experienced. Just want to detoxify from this modern world. Just want to wash away all these layers of complexities on me, just want to be pure again.

I want to go to a jungle, all alone, want to stay away from everyone, want to stay away from everything. I want to enjoy nature, I want to enjoy peace, I want to get back life in my soul. I want to live a simple non-complicated life. I dont want to deal with people, I am done with being hurt and hurting them. I am done with getting suffocated for others, and I am done with saying hi and hello with a smiling face to everyone just to b in their good books.

I wish I was born to some poor farmer in a remote village somewhere in India. Then I would have spent all my life just worrying about farming, and nothing else. No school, no studies, no worries about knowing English and Math. No electricity and phone, no computer and movies. No cricket, no tandoori chicken and no shopping malls.

At least I would have been happy in life. At least I would have valued small things in life and would have got so much of happiness out of it. Small things like getting a good crop, raindrops falling on your face, my bamboo hut, sunrise, moonlight and a cup of tea. Happiness comes from small things, I realised it pretty late.

I realised that, and then I realised that Life has become way too complex. And its getting complicated now. Dont know, but sometimes I wonder if there exists something like satisfaction, contentment, happiness, peace in today's world. Something is going wrong somewhere, and I dont know where. One thing I know for sure is that this is not I wanted to live like. Its almost suffocating. I feel too restricted sometimes, I feel I am holding myself back. I feel I am not allowing me to be happy.

I dont want to worry about what I eat every time, I dont want to worry about whether my boss will be happy with my work, I dont want to worry about whatever else is going on in this world. I just dont want to worry about... anything!.

Its not only me who feels that way, I know you feel the same sometimes. I know everyone feels like this, just we dont give ourselves a time to see what a mess we have created for ourselves. Or may be, perhaps we are too scared to look back at our life, may be because we dont have the courage to see it. We live our life as if we are tied to a machine that never stops. Sometimes I feel we are just going in a random purposeless motion, because if we stop, we fear that we will die. Its funny that our heart runs faster than the clock. May be because if we fall behind in time, we will die.

I wish to just vanish from this world.. sometimes I feel it would be so good if some lightening strikes, or if a massive cyclone comes or a valcano errupts and takes me away. So simple, no pain and you are gone :).

I wish...
The "Other" Vivek.


Ashwin said...

Well said ...

nikone said...

I guess many people encounter such thoughts. In last two years at least 2-3 times, I must have thought about running away from everything for at least 15-20 days. I wish someday I master the art of closing my eyes and forget everything for few moments at least. But with all the stupid stuff I keep doing occupying my day, I don't even take out time to practice that.

Rays Of Sun said...

Does it offer some kinda solace that there are many who echo your views but do not have the skills to express it?
If yes, you will be amazed to know, how much mundane everyone else's life is.
We all think farmer's life is like a haven. But, hey do you know what kind of mental agony a farmer would feel during famine and flood?
At that time he would very well wish he was done with farming:)
In moment of my own, I have got this feeling n number of times too. But, know is always easier to let it go than hold on to it:)

Infinity said...

Take a deep breath and say LET IT GO!!