Friday, January 04, 2008

13 Funny things you observe when you land in Bombay after a long period:

1: Bombay stinks. Literally. Bombay air has a unique aroma which is a weird mixture of spoilt trash, green chilli tadka (synonymous with vada paav), cheap country liquor, puke and food. That aroma fills up the space even before your flight lands in Bombay!. You know that you have arrived in Bombay even before getting out of flight. It actually gives you nostalgia.

2: Everything moves in a super slow motion: Everything around you (vehicles, people, and animals) moves at a super-slow speed. There is absolutely no hurry in anything they do. And timeliness is absolutely unheard of.

3: Every moment you feel as if you are going to meet with an accident: people, kids, animals, vehicles, and everything else freely roams on the road. Following lanes, not coming in a way of a driving vehicle, waiting for a proper signal and other rules are not practiced.

4: Auto rickshaws are always available at your disposal. And they somehow trace you, and they somehow know that you need a ride: they will come and stop by for a moment to see if you are interested.

5: Railway stations and streets perpetually smell of vada paav, green chilli and coriander.

6: Indians are fond of food: They talk, walk, eat, and drink food. Food is their life. Even on TV, half the channels show a food show at any given point.

7: Indians eat A LOT: I guess most of them don’t know what dieting is. Indian food is full of wrong calories and your calorie count goes haywire while eating Indian food. People like to eat a lot of food, and a lot of buttery food. A recipe is not a good one unless it has a think layer of oil on top of it.

8: Indians like to express an opinion: They talk. Wanted or unwanted, demanded or unwarranted, they talk a lot and are not hesitant a bit to express their opinions. No wonder why half the channels on TV are news channels (they are just providing a way for some people to express their views, even though mostly they are rubbish, repetitive and boring)

9: They are mobile savy: Everyone MUST have a cool mobile and everyone MUST talk loudly.

10: Spitting is a form of expression: People spit to express anger, joy, frustration, excitement, a pause in a sentence, and dominance.

11: Everyone speaks in Hindi: doesn’t matter whether you are a maharashtrian, gujju, Punjabi, sindhi, or a south Indian. Hindi is the official language of Bombay.

12: People don’t like to say “NO” to anything: they first say yes, then they think about it, then they realize that something can’t be done, and then they behave as if the conversation never happened.

13: They have profound misconceptions and beliefs, and they have no interest in rectifying them.


nikone said...

My friend, you are going after a long time... some of the things were always like that, you are noticing now. People always talked loudly. I completely agree, not just Mumbai but overall Indians, we use mobile too much. Mumbai still remains the city with most disciplined people, though people don't, vehicles follow signal and the only city where you will actually find forming queue for bus.
Stinks... he! he! you should visit Chennai some time. You can tell which area in Chennai you are by the stink in that area.
Didn't notice the change in autowallas though.
:) I think I am happy Indians are not yet gone towards horribly stupid dieting. What's the use of eating pizzas, chips and then very less proper food to say I am on diet.
13th point is valid for any city or place in the world. It is just that more you stay in a place, more you stop noticing it.
Hmm... not bad observations at all.

kage said...

LOLz!! you are such an NRI! you IBCD, you... seriously though, can't say i agree with you word for word, but i do know exactly what you mean

unabashed self-incrimination (or self-promotion?):

Each time I disembarked at Chatrapati Shivaji International Airport, I felt the city’s warm embrace: a unique, captivating, miasmic blend of humidity, pollution, disinfectants, cigarette smoke, sweat and the uplifting, endearing reminiscence of childhood.