Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Love... Crazy Love !

Take One: Place: Cleveland, Ohio.

Su is a friend of mine. Su is American. A few months back, Su was dating Eric and they were doing fine. One day, Su met Harry in a pub. They danced together, chatted, had nice time. A few days after that, I met Su in the same pub. She was there with Harry. Su told me that she is now dating Harry, and she thinks she's in love with him. She also told me that, after "that" nite with Harry, she found him very attractive, and it was too much to be away from him. I asked: "Ok Su, what about Eric? I thought you guys were going along nicely". Su told me that she was getting bored with Eric, and didn't feel that she loved him anymore. She was always looking for a better option.

Incidentally, Harry is Su's 5th boyfriend.

Take Two: Movie: Mughal-E-Azam.

Salim, the prince of Mughal empire, gets a glimpse of Anarkali, a court dancer. He falls in love with her, and she also dreams of having a life with Salim. King Akbar does not approve the relationship, and even declares Saleem a traitor and sends his armies to crush him. He tries to kill Salim and Anarkali, even manages to separate the, but he cannot kill their love. Salim and Anarkali sacrifice all their happiness, their dreams, their life for love.

Mughal-E-Azam is considered to be an epic of love, sacrifice, and pain.

Take Three: Place: Mumbai, India.

M is my college buddy. He got a decent job after completing his engineering, and got settled in life relatively earlier. Last year, his parents wanted to get him married, and he was not beyond their wish. Six months back, M got married to P. It was an arranged marriage. M and P did not know each other before that, and did not get a lot of time to spend with each other before they got married.

I asked M about how he could take such a risk in choosing a partner for life, and if he was comfortable with P. He said that P was not his best choice, but his parents wanted P. Since he had no other choice, he trusted her, and after marriage got to spend lots of time with her. Now M says that he likes P very much, and in fact loves her a lot. He, however, confessed that there were some things which could have been done in a different way.

P believes that its a part of adjustment, and everyone's got to do some compromise with life.

What is love?...

Is it just sex?, is it physical attraction?, is it a pleasure?? s it crush??

Or Is it sacrifice?? hurt?? bitterness?? dissatisfaction??

Or is it adjustment??

Intriguing question indeed.

How does one 'fall' in love?... What makes us produce those hormones that would initiate the feeling of love about a person in our mind?... Why do we like a particular person , and not any person as such?... How do we decide that "that" would be a dream love for us?

Does everyone even think that much, and that deep?... Or they fall in love just to get the experience and have a steady physical relationship?...

Why does love 'fail' sometimes?... If we love a certain person so much to start off with, where do those feelings vanish after things go sore?... How do we prepare ourselves to taking that decision?...

Is first love the truest love, and everything after that a compromise??. Someone said that love can happen only once in life. Is that true?... If so, why??...

Why is love so complex??...

Does it need to be this complex at the first place??

My views
(please do not draw any conclusions about my personal life. These are my views, NOT my story):

I try to keep love as simple as possible. I hold a copyright for "Do not confuse your liking with love. You may like a person, feel attracted to him; but that doesn't necessarily mean that you love him" advice for my friends. And I follow that in my personal life a well.

For me, love is a tale of two C's:


I guess everything else follows these two.

I would find it difficult to love a person (a girl, of course, I don't have any feelings what-so-ever about brotherly love) unless I know her pretty well, and I get some kind of commitment from her. I prefer to have that comfort zone, that security in a relationship. And I also strongly believe in it being a life-long one. Would like to be steadily in love with one partner than trying out a dozen. If two people are mutually committed, I guess the trust, passion, understanding, family adjustments, career etc. fall in proper place. For me love is about commitment, loads of happiness, sharing life, and sharing bit of pain as well. I consider love as a steady feeling, a feeling that should be a part of life rather than just being a phase.

This is MY concept / theory of love.

Is it too optimistic??... Is it being too choosy??... Does it work in every case??...

Apparently not.

If my theory was always true, their would be no broken relationships, no break-ups, and no hatred. But it happens. I have seen broken relationships very closely. It hurts. I have seen people going thru a trauma. I have seen their life getting destroyed after a break-up. There is so much of bitterness, hurt, pain involved in this process?

Why do people break up?... How can they suddenly dislike a person they loved so much just a few days back??... Why do they make it so complex??. If they wanted a broken relationship, why do they fall in love at all?... Do they actually think about what the other partner may have to go thru in digesting a break-up?...

I guess we human beings like everything complex, and we ourselves make it that way. I dont know if I can find out answers to all these questions... it will drive me crazy if I try to.

May be that's why love is crazy.


Soultan of Swing said...

heavy duty stuff mr. raut!
keep it coming!
interesting funda on love...
trying my best to keep matters of the head n heart out of my blog :)!

Anonymous said...

I beg to differ..... but love is not crazy.... come to think of it... it has a very simple explanation...

The only person you love... or in other words.. care or worry or be bothered about is .... yourself.... sounds selfish??

now come to think of it.... why do you go out with someone?? that person says nice things about you... that person makes you feel special... you find that person attractive... that person makes you comfortable... in other words... its all about you... you want to feel nice and special and comfortable and blah blah blah!!

so in the case of su... the moment she felt the that the person was not making her feel good she moved on to feel better.... in the case with salim.. he liked to look at her and stuck by it.. and M made a compromise but ultimately came to like what he had.... ultimately neither of them would have stuck around if they did not feel good around the other person....

there are very few people that we feel compatible .. hmm at the same wavelength with... they understand our sense of humor... they appreciate our intelligence and can add to it... and they make us feel special... come across someone like this and bam!!! jackpot!! you think you are in love... but in reality who are you in love with??? apart from yourself??

Linda Zhang said...

love is crazy and people break up for the craziest reasons because human beings are simply irrational illogical selfish people.

the end.

if people can just be reasonable, tolerably generous, and rational 100% of the time, then nothing is crazy, not even this thing called 'love!'

but we're just not perfect. therefore we lose our minds sometimes.