Friday, March 10, 2006


World population: 6,597,883,766
India's population: 1,027,015,247
Mumbai's population: 12,622,500

Yet most of us take so long to choose ONE partner for rest of the lif; and have a happy, healthy, and long lasting relationship.


Isn't that interesting?.

We should thank God that he assigned us our biological parents, and other relatives. Otherwise, our entire life would have been a very messy affair with so many complexities, personal problems, mental suffocation, indecision, an inferiority complex, and with so many options to choose from.. some failures and broken hearts. Of course, there is also happiness, love, satisfaction, security and all those goody goody things. But they all come in a package. You cant choose gold and discard the trash.

Relationship... Why is it so complex?... Is it really that complex?? Or are WE making it complex??

(I am not discussing my personal life here. These are just thoughts that came to my mind while deeply thinking about the whole issue. Actually, I am learning all about these complexities from people coming across at various points in this journey called life. Just tracking and observing some individuals teaches so many things in life, which cant be understood by reading books and getting degrees)

I was sitting in McNulty's the other day with some of my buddies. After couple of beers, two of my friends, Priya and Sachin (names changed, of course) started a very interesting conversation (Thoughts just start flowing after couple of beers, don't they :). Anyways). I was the third person involved in the discussion:

Priya: "Hey Sachin, you have been in Cleveland for about 8 months now, you should get a steady girlfriend"

Sachin: " Well Priya, I haven't found one yet. You know its not as easy as shown in movies. We are talking about real life here"

Priya: "Cmon, there must be someone. Look around, spend some time with someone you have in mind and you will find one"

Sachin: " May be I will"

Sachin: "Tell me, why does one need a girlfriend?" (Beer effect !!! Sachin gets philosophical now)

Priya: "Well, don't you need someone to open your mind, talk about some things which you cant share with everyone?"

Sachin: "I have some very close friends, with whom I can talk about some serious stuff. For that matter, anything close to my heart. Why do I need a girlfriend for that??"

Priya: "Don't you want to take someone on a date, and have nice dinner and a movie with her?"

Sachin: "Well, I go for nice dinner and movie with people I enjoy spending some nice time. Why do I need to get into the relationship for that??"

Priya: " Sachin, You are impossible. You are never going to get a girl if you think like this !"

Of course, this conversation was in lighter vein. But I thought about it later on.

Why do we need a life partner?. There are so many options available these days. There are singles clubs, blind dating, gentlemen's clubs, and all that. With some money, you can pretty much get anything you want. Then why to go throught the whole process of finding 'the' right one?

Here are some of my thoughts on the whole thingy:

I am a big believer in love. Pure, selfless love. I am also a big supporter of having a steady partner in life, and living a life with one partner. It makes things so much easy. In today's world full of complexities, compromises, selfishness, politics and all that crap; one needs some security, some sanity, some devotion in life. And that's precisely the reason we need someone with us. Someone who would understand us, guide us, help us, give some frank advice, settle some nerves, critique us, laugh on our jokes, cry with us, and share a laugh too. And how nice it is to have someone whom we can understand, have faith in; for whom we can be there to share their happiness and sorrow.

I believe that relationship develops from love; and relationship (and for that matter love)is a mutual process, a mutual feeling, a mutual emotion: One sided love, or one sided affection has no meaning as such. You may like someone; but it is equally important to have the other person share same feelings about you. I do believe that all successful relationships are built on these pillars (All relationships are not successful. Just because a couple is married for many years, does not imply a successful relationship. Many a times, its pure adjustment; which to me is the biggest failure in life).

I firmly believe that a successful relationship is built on trust, understanding, and passion. Without these three; it becomes fragile, susceptible to failure and impotent. And these things don't come easily: it takes time to develop an understanding between two human beings; and so is the case with trust and passion.

After all we are talking about spending rest of our life with that person; who was completely unknown to us just a few days back. It takes time to know the habits, likings, circumstances and emotions of other person. It takes even more time to digest all of them, and be mentally and emotionally ready to "accept" that person in our life.

Developing trust and passion are even more difficult. I am not talking about physical attraction and sexual desires here (even though I do believe that they are integral parts of a relationship). One can be attracted to opposite sex for a while, but passion and trust are long lasting, and always developing. And they should come in exactly right proportion.

One cant really plan these things: they just happen. Love cant be planned, it just happens. So is the case with relationships. They happen. And that's the beauty of the whole thing; and I guess that's what makes our lives so much more interesting.


I sometimes find our relationships (and for that matter whole life) so similar to cooking. To make something really nice, we have to be really well prepared; we need all ingredients in exact proportions, and at right time; we need to let things settle and simmer for a while; we need to trust our guts while adding spices; we need to be really patient to get the perfect blend and taste; we need to apply our soul for that; and we need passion for cooking. And if anything goes wrong, things turn sour (or bitter, or salty), and the whole effort is wasted.

Isn't it true?


Ankur said...

ur blogs are too long and too intricate for me to understand i guess. hehehe..kiddin

Vivek said...

Arre gandu,

Har ek ka apna apna level hota hai.

Ye sab cheez tere liye nahi hai.


Anonymous said...

hate to admit this... but agree with you on this... :( maybe you are spending too much time with me... you are starting to think like me.... he he he!!! jus kidding

jus one thing though.. i had to think for like 5 minutes to come up with something so that i can take an oppsite stand... :)

like cooking you said relationships can be a total waste if things go wrong... but seriously... if something goes wrong with food you can trash it and make it again but how many chances on a relationship (here i mean ... when you are commited and stuff .... and for a typical indian girl :) like me... marriage)how many chances do you get?? its mostly just one.... so dont you just suck up.. eat the bitter food adjust with the lack of salt or pepper and go on.... ??

is that the right thing to do?? or do you think like Su you should move on??? or stay with it like Salim or M?? or commit suicide??? (maybe i read a bunch of your blogs together...) :)

but thought provoking stuff here....

Linda Zhang said...

hey you,
that is an interesting conversation with your drunk friends at McNulty's: "why does one need a girlfriend" when they can be satisfied with good friends? i was comparing girlfriends/boyfriends to friends before and someone left me a very simple comment: "sex"

haha. hmm, it's kind of true. but sex also implies further intimacy and a close bond that no friend can go into. haha, what a way to look deeper into the single word answer 'sex.'


hey you,
you quoted me: "key ingredients to a relationship is trust, understanding, passion" ... i wrote a blog about that back in Jan 18. i was reading it and i was like, wow, this sounds like something I'd say. i'm glad you share the same views. i was trying to find the best three words, and those are the only ones i can come up with.

Vivek said...

Yeah Linda, You are right.

I had this blog ready in my mind for many days before I actually typed it. When I read the blog after typing, I had something like a "Deja Vu" feeling when I read those three words in my blog. Felt as if I had read those words somewhere else.

Then I went to your blogs, and yeah!, there they were.

I guess those three words was there in my subconscious mind; and appeared in a similar manner as I basically have similar thoughts on this issue.